This week everyone got their hopes up in anticipation of a man being eaten alive by a giant snake. Those hopes were subsequently smashed when the dude got his head into the snake’s mouth and decided he had made a poor life choice. He of course called it quits and had his assistants come pull him out of his ridiculous situation. But that just leaves me with one question…
What did you really expect here people?!
For one, anacondas crush their prey. Did this guy, or anyone else for that matter, really believe that he was just gonna be able to slip right down this snake’s throat and lay inside of it unscathed? They smash food up so it goes down smoother. That’s how this works. You were gonna have to get broken to go in it to begin with. So, why then was it a big damn surprise that your arm started to feel like it was gonna be snapped trying to get it in?
Furthermore, how did you intend to be removed from the snake in the first place? Hope it just decided to spit you back up like Jon Voight from Anaconda? Because that worked out well for him…
Or did you plan to show your assistants cutting you out of a perfectly healthy snake for no good damn reason on national broadcasting? That would certainly go over well with all of the animal activists all over the world. I mean, they blew up just from the guy on Walking Dead eating a snake. How did you think it would turn out if you did it simply to remove yourself from the snake after being stupid enough to put yourself in the snake? And then to not at least justify it by eating the snake as sustenance would just be a complete wanton waste of the animal. They would have a field day protesting anything you did after that.
All in all, this was a big let down and over-dramatized, though expecting anything else to happen is a fool’s errand of your own doing. I’m pretty sure this guy will make himself a member of the Darwin Awards before long if he keeps this up. But until then, hopefully he’s not out terrorizing snakes so he can make a buck filming them not really get a meal.
Stay hidden; stay safe.
Arctic Specter 