For Less Than A Nickel A Day…

…you can go fuck yourself.

I recently received an envelope in the mail which on the cover touted some images of various national parks and a statement in regards to the 100th birthday of the National Park Service.  As an avid visitor to the national parks, I was all too eager to open this letter and see its contents.  Upon first inspection it contained four 3×5 cards of reproduced paintings from the Ranger Naturalist Service, a typical business reply mail envelope, a pamphlet for donations which oddly enough had an actual 2017 nickel glued to it, a brochure for gifts for donating, a club sticker, and a three page letter.  I skipped over most of it, as I was in a rush to conduct some errands, and was immediately excited about the 3×5 painting reproductions; I have a couple of the larger size hanging in my home already as well as a poster board they would fit nicely upon.  The sticker was a little generic, but maybe this was a decent enough group that I would lend my money and involvement towards it.

Once I had returned from my day’s activities I took a little better look at the contents of the envelope and unfolded the three pages of letter.  The Sierra Club was the originator of this note.  I had not heard of them at this point, but their name would soon be etched in my mind.  At first, merely skimming as most of these tend to be bullshit, but as I went further I began to actually catch pause and read for comprehension.  The letter, which you may read for yourselves below, was for all intent a political rant aimed at bashing the current republican led congress and the Trump administration.  Now, as you’re likely well aware, I am a moderate independent on the political spectrum and have no real allegiance to any party, to include libertarian.  I have no real love for Trump, in much the same way I didn’t for Obama, but as an active duty service member, he is ultimately my boss and I avoid speaking negatively of him because my personal politics shouldn’t dictate how I conduct my duty.  Despite what I say in the forward, I will continue to serve my country to the utmost, though duty does not leave me void of opinion.

When I read this tirade of liberal propaganda I was rather appalled at the fact that someone would send this kind of a letter out to a blind audience who had just happened to have supported national parks in some fashion at some point.  The coup de grâce for this diatribe was where they stated they wanted me to sign a petition to send to the House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi.  Folks, this is where being unfamiliar with your audience can really shoot you in the foot.  I despise that woman.  She is moronic at best and it astounds me that despite her ever present oratory blunders she continues to remain both a member of congress and a leader within the democratic House year after year.  To me, her constituents are the epitome of the proverbial saying about throwing stones in glass houses as they angrily deride those who voted Trump to office as deplorable, uneducated, idiots.  Clearly, if you can support that kind of person for congress year in and out to the point she can take a leadership role, then you have no room to pillory another person for their vote.  With that said and clarity given, asking me to call upon that dingbat to conduct due diligence upon my behalf would be comparable to imploring me to remove a hand in order to reach a box on the top shelf.  If for whatever reason you doubt inane chatter that leaves her mouth, one needs only Google “Nancy Pelosi quotes”.  Google, even being a known left leaning system, pulls no punches when it comes to the intelligence of the congresswoman.

I became rather angered just from reading the missive, but as time went on I began to steam as though a tea kettle left unattended.  I stewed over the words I had read.  I looked upon their importuning epistle as they asked for alms for their cause, yet were able to print and mail 6 pages worth of material and even go as far as attaching a nickel to one of the pages with glue.  How wasteful of the donations they receive are they to afford sending, on top of every item printed, the additional weight of a nickel which they would then ask of you to pledge right back to them?  How out of touch and affluent must the Sierra Club be to consider five cents of contributed money sent to each person on their list such a trivial expense?  To even further my resentment of the Sierra Club, they send mail asking for benefaction to help support the national parks, which for the ones I have stepped foot upon I hold dear, yet slap the National Park Service with that same hand outstretched for charity by passing out post cards of paintings of the parks.  These post cards in the national parks gift stores would typically run for about $2.50 a piece.  They sent four.  For those not inclined to do the math, that’s $10 on one person that they just stole from the pockets of the very organization they claim to support.  Who knows how many of these they sent out.

Infuriating.  Simply, wholly, infuriating.

So to that end, I say go fuck yourselves Sierra Club.  Take your nickel and shove it deep within your anal cavity.  I choose to support the National Park Service directly, not through some third rate middle man, skimming off the top and flagrantly squandering the funds received in gimmicky political rants mailed to those who do not share your views.  I have been advised from some of the old heads that I should use your business reply mail envelope to mail you a box of bricks in return.  I opt to abandon this scheme, however, based solely on the fact that it would detract from the possibility of the money that you receive from those you have bamboozled finding its way to the national parks in any manner other than your own pockets.

As I had previously stated, here is the first page of the letter I received.  I chose not to squander my time on all of the pages, but 2 and 3 are no better in their political dialect.

At the bottom of the page is their contact information.  Feel free to get in touch with them in what ever manner you choose and give them an informative suggestion of where they can put their nickel a day…

(In the hands of NPS so that they can do their job without leaches skimming their funds.)

Always around.
Never found.