Some of you just opened this because you thought I was going to post something about illegal aliens. Go ahead and admit it in the likes, its ok. I have my own personal views on that after spending two years in El Paso, and eventually I’m sure I will post my views towards that issue. However, it will not be in this blog.
The movie “Aliens”, directed by James Cameron and starring Sigourney Weaver and Michael Biehn, is the topic of this particular post. Sorry to disappoint if yoy thought this was going to be an overly political attempt to discuss foreigners who didn’t do the proper paperwork, but sonetimes the inner nerd gets the best of me.
This movie was actually a huge motivation for me to join the military to begin with. Why? I’ll never understand because they got completely wrecked in this movie. It was basically a slaughter and while fictitious, it was definitely a black eye for military across the globe. The movie Inadvertently discussed many underlying problems with the military, even if it went unnoticed to the audience. If you read my Godzilla post, you are aware that the military often makes me break down movies from the perspective and experiences I have had. It did make for an excellent movie though, and regardless of said black eye, here is my break down of the movie from my perspective.
Starting off, you have a civilian who is the only person to have witnessed this alien. Automatically, no one believes her until shit goes awry. Initially they had even mentioned charging her for the cost of the ship. She has an obvious case of ptsd, though no one seems to give a shit cause no one believes her (like that never happens).
Cut to a bunch of colonists on a rock in the middle of no-where. The operations guy, who like most operations guys I’ve met has a dunlop, and we get this marvelous quote, “they dont say why and I don’t ask. I dont ask because it takes two weeks to gey an answer out here and the answer is alway ‘don’t ask'”. Couldn’t sum shit up better myself.
Suddenly, shit goes south and they need the subject matter expert to help them out. They send a beaurocrat and a boot ass lt to enlist her help? No one is going to trust an lt to make this happen, just saying.
But it works out and everyone boards this humungous fucking ship and gets in hypersleep. Next we see this obnoxiously huge damn ship which is only ran by a crew of about a squads worth of grunts who later ALL go down to the planet’s surface and just leave an unsecured multi billion dollar ship just hang out in space… Wait a sec, what the fuck? Not to mention as the camera rolls through, none of their equipment is tied down to the deck. Obviously they have some sort of gravitational system on board, however, you’re all going to bed with no fireguard for a few weeks. A lot of shit can go wrong in two weeks and who knows, you might just wake up to a drop ship floating around inside your well deck smashing everything in sight. Oh, and theres fucking missiles just hanging out in the bay too. Real good there leiutenant, why the fuck not just blow up the entire ship before you even make it to your mission. Fucking butterbars. Furthermore, just looking around the environment they show, one could assume from the layout that the only bunks they have are the cryo sleep pods they are already in. So, we’re gonna let a bunch of grunts, with nothing better to do in space, sleep in pods that close and freeze fuckers. Apparently the military accomplished getting rid of hazing in the future, because I see no other scenario where this turns out well for the new boot private.
Continuing on, they wake up and people just jump to doing some pullups….
No one wakes up and is like, “hell yeah, lets do some pull ups!” It just doesnt happen, especially for as long as they were out. Its hard enough getting fuckers up out of their sleeping bags. I will say, the shit talking at this point, while lame, is about how it goes. Everyone is still half asleep and the jokes at that point aren’t usually very well thought out, though they did accomplish the general attitude.
They start eating breakfast and jabbering about sleeping with chicks, in mixed company. Apparently, the military stopped giving a fuck about sharp in the future. Thank god. Then theres Bishop’s famous knife trick and we see as Hudson’s hand is forced into it that hazing has not gone away. Back to the sleeping in cryo tubes being a terrible idea.
Moving on to their brief on the mission. Worst opord I’ve ever seen. They start getting a brief by a civilian, interupt rudely and no one says shit about it. Apparently nco’s give even less fucks then as opposed to now. Suddenly we get a sweet EO comment about illegal aliens and then we get another potential sharp complaint in the form of Hudson telling Vasquez that he’d fuck her anytime, anywhere immediately after.
Then the LT gives the timeline for tasks to be completed. Everyone reacts like thats a ridiculous goal to set in that amount of time. Nah, that never happens…
The next scene is our squad of grunts doing mission prep. Entire ship 12 man crew. 12 men. To repair all maintenance issues in deep space that may occur with a huge damn ship. I dunno, but it takes like at least two mechanics and our two man vehicle crew just to work on a stryker when it goes down. Just food for thought there.
Mission prep continues and we see a guy loading mags in guns and laying them out. Because thats just what we need; privates shooting a hole in the ship before they even leave. Then the APC starts rolling around to get loaded up on the drop ship. No ground guides of course. Tight corners in a bay on a ship with no maintenance personnel any where in the local universe. Thats brilliant.
We’ll not talk about the uber-motivated pci and ramp brief they did before getting into the APC. I think I threw up in my mouth a little at that part. Though, we will discuss their actions on the ground. These guys land, roll up to this town in an armored vehicle and immediately begin doing tactical bounding in an area where there was the potential for there to not even be an issue in the first place. No, fuck patrolling and energy conservation, we’ll just balls to the wall bound to the closest bay door and break into it. Forget the fact that civilians could just be sitting there thinking they’re being assaulted. Forget that a nice steady patrol gives you a better chance to analyze the situation first in an unknown area. Lets just blaze through everything, no biggy. Meanwhile, the butterbar sits in his damn APC giving orders and shit, not even having mud on his boots at all. Fucker.
Ok, they make it inside and start seeing that shit really did hit the fan here. All the sudden we’re not blazing through anymore. The room clearing becomes slow and deliberate. All the while, leading with this huge damn machine gun that doesn’t corner very well. Room clearing 101 guys, get your shit together. I gotta give Bill Paxton credit though, he definitely hit the smartass nature of the infantry on the head. They find a hole in the floor and he spits down it and watches it fall. I’ve not come across something involving a drop of any sorts and somebody not spit off/down the damn thing. Then the LT lets them know he’s leaving the safety of the vehicle and coming inside. Again, we get a perfectly placed display of the infantry mindset in Hudson’s comment about the LT coming in.
Shortly after that, we get a scene where they almost wax the only suriving member of the colony. Then harass and chase the shit out of a frightened little girl at the LT’s behest. In stead of showing a little humanity lets scare rhe ever-loving fuck out of this child even more, good call LT. Shit, even if she was one of your marines, she still obviously has ptsd from the shit she’s seen. You could at least extend that amount of courtesy to here to not be grilling her for info.
Continuing on, we’ve gathered that since there are no bodies, and all of their personal trackers are together in one spot when finally found that they have probably created at least 1 alien per each colonist – worst case scenario. We’re talking 15 guys, to what? 150 or so bad guys. We’re talking 10 bad guys to every man you have. But hey, fuck it, right? Lets go walk in the enemy’s front door. The moment you told me to go in there, with those odds, and I walk into a cavernous bee hive looking thing my ass would be in a front row seat on the nopetrain headed to fucknoville. Especially when the LT who ordered me to go can’t even bring his ass out there. Then he tells me that I can’t fire in there. Yup, mission over right then. Sorry bout your luck colonists. Their reactions were perfect given that order, including the fact that not everyone gives up their ammo.
They wind up coming across people plastered to the walls with their chest busted open. Once again, nopetrain-fucknoville. But we press on. They find a colonist still alive and immediately the medic starts trying to help her. Until an alien comes out to say high. They fry the fucking thing like any other sane person would and suddenly they get noticed, and summarily surrounded and overwhelmed. They begin to fire indiscriminately and everything goes to shit to include comms. Definitely sci-fi. I mean, when do comes ever shit the bed right in the middle of something going down? Right? To make matters worse, ths useless LT locks the fuck up and the civilians take control of the situation. Go figure.
So after getting their asses handed to them they start discussing the next step in what to do. The best answer coming from the disgruntled civilian. Meanwhile the beaurocrat argues to save the planet and the species of killer aliens based on money. Typical. But leave grunts alone with nukes and having suffered heavy losses and someone’s gonna have a bad day.
From here they prep the bird for medevac and to leave the area. We cut to a scene of the co pilot running aboard while they had the ramp down. I don’t know if they weren’t keeping up with what was going on in there, but maybe keeping the ramp down in a hostile area, not the best idea ever. I will give them some credit here, if you watch this scene, they take off and switch to black out lights. Its the little things. However, their lax security proves to be their downfall and the pilot and copilot are schwacked. Then we’re back to some more Murphys law stuff and imagine that, the crash takes out pretty much all of their equipment. Remember, security is key. This proves it.
All hope is lost at this point. Hudson’s freaking out. The beaurocrat is offering simply stupid advice like they’re not completely screwed and then we have this little girl who is probably the most level-headed of them all. “I guess we’re not going to be leaving now, right?”
To which Ripley replies,”I’m sorry Newt.”
“You don’t have to be sorry; its not your fault.”
From this point I start seeing some of the best tactics out of the entire movie. The start organizing a defensive perimeter which channels the aliens into their main guns. Holy crap, maybe they might make it through this afterall. Then shit goes south. Again. The aliens have overwhelmed the guns and run them dry. To make matters worse, we now have 4 hours before the entire places becomes a mushroom cloud.
To make matters worse, the beaurocrat attemots to impregnate Ripley and Next with aliens while they nap. In a clever move Ripley alerts everyone by setting off the fire alarm. Have I mentioned how much I like clever. The rest of them all come barrelling through the window, literally in Hicks’ case. At this point Hudson goes to help Newt. Now look, I get that the facehuggers are like big spiders and creepy as such. But you guys have limited ammo. Was blasting an entire mag through one of them necessary? Pretty sure the first burst did the trick guy. How about a little fire control? Vasquez manages to kill one with one burst. Get your shit together Hudson.
Some more drama happens and thank god it seems like the beaurocrat is gonna get waxed. Then the aliens change the game and sneak in like some ninjas. However, their tactics once again fall to shit. Instead of running like they should have, they allow the aliens to get within 5 meters of them. Once again, nopetrain coming through! They get overwhelmed and start laying down supression while working their way back. Its unforunately still not enough. They finally listen to Newt and start using rhe tunnels she used to survive so long. Its seems that is usually the way, no one wants to listen to the person thats been dealing with the fight longer until its too late.
Thank god this scene ends in the LT making the best decision of the entire movie and blowing himself up. However, I would like to note that once he woke back up, he definitely webt side seat to Hicks and stopped trying to give fucked up orders.
All while this is happening Bishop has gone unnoticed and is playing “pong”.
Ripley’s motherly instinct kicks in and ends up just making the situation worse for everyone. She enters the nest to save Newt and essentially kicks the beehive. One woman. Two guns taped together. No real training. Taking on an alien force that just took out a squad of marines. Someone missed that train to Fucknoville. Instead lets go piss off the largest alien we’ve seen yet, and cause it to have a vendetta against you. Aww hell, its not like any of the other tactics have gone any better. She gets chased all the way up to the landing platform and she boards the dropship and they leave. The place goes up and thats the end of all the aliens! Yay!
They get back to that huge damn ship that is too large for them to crew by themselves and everything seems hunky-dory. That is until Bishop get ripped in half out of the blue. The other two scatter and the only thing to fight this big damn alien that Ripley can find, on this entire huge military ship is a civilian forklift. Wat? I mean, seriously. You couldnt snag a grenade laucher or something? Lets fistfight this huge pissed off alien. Well yeah, that doesn’t work out, surprisingly. So lets do the next best thing and blow it out of the airlock to have a fate that is never truely revealed. Hopefully the dead of space will kill it cause if not you might have just sent a big bundle of hate-o-gram to another planet.
So end state here, Hicks is so messed up he’s out cold. Bishop is torn in half and pretty much useless and now we have a civilian and a little girl left to plot the course and navigate this ship back home. But rather than stay the fuck awake and make sure everyrhing goes ok, they throw it on autopilot and go to bed till they get there. Brilliant idea there. Spoiler alert for alien 3: things do not turn out alright. But hey, thats what half assing it will get you when you think you’re in the clear.
Hopefully there are some good lessons to take away from this. Life doesn’t happen like in a movie. But there’s been plenty of times where bad shit continually happens. All you can do sometimes is keep your head on straight and ride it out. For those othertimes, you definitely just don’t walk your ass into the enemy’s home and burn their newborn with a flamethrower.