It has been a little while since I last wrote a blog, but a mixture of things has spurred me towards writing today. First off, I had been reading up on my sister in law’s blog (I’d link it, but OPSEC). She is a modern woman of the consumer masses that is making her way in modern society, and well… some of you would love her blog, some of you might throw your computer out the window. Thus is the eclectic crowd of which I associate (don’t take it personally
——, some of them just like smashing things, and not in the Austin Powers slang sense). However, I was recently reminded that she writes as well and tabbed on over to take a peek at her latest postings, which served as a reminder that it has been a while since my last post.
Secondly, I had to do a command climate survey today. That always puts me in the mood to voice my opinion, because let’s face it, if you don’t want to hear what I had to say, don’t post a comments section when you ask me a bunch of misconstrued questions about how things at my workplace are going.
Thirdly, and I’m pretty sure “thirdly” isn’t a word (but shut up I can write what I want here), there was a guy I went to sniper school with (he failed out by the way) that has recently moved up to my secluded ass unit and while I want so dearly to vent and ramble about how much of a doucher he is, but I’m not going to. Instead, all of that pent up writing frustration is going towards something positive. I recently attended a rock wall belay class so that I can use the rock wall on base without having to have an MWR worker supervise as we climb. Big plus there, cause no one likes being stared at from below at awkward angles by someone with whom they are unfamiliar. The wonderful lady named Emmy (might have spelled that wrong but go with it) was showing a group of us what procedures they wanted done for safety and insurance reasons, and like grunts do, we were joking and ribbing each other. She turned and looked at me dead in the eyes, and informed me that the area of the rock wall was a teasing free zone and that we will practice positive reinforcement here. I kinda laughed it off, but it actually stung a little. Here this nice lady was, taking time out of her day to teach a bunch of dumb grunts to keep each other from falling off rocks and cracking our thick skulls open on the floor for free, and within five minutes of meeting her she was already giving us disappointed looks. So, as a courtesy to Emmy, who was doing us a courtesy, I am working on focusing on the positive. I can’t do it 100% of the time, I’m human, but I can try to change it when I recognize it. So here you are, dropping the negatives, going with the positives.
My daughter has been a driving force for many choices as of late. I don’t think she will ever comprehend that, like most offspring won’t, but I have passed on Army school opportunities, I am considering plans for three years from now so that I may once again exit the military and be a functioning member of society, and I have been busting my ass at work to (unsuccessfully) try to get off early so I can be at home with her. She’s the spitting image of me and that both brings me a great amount of joy, and a great deal of worry.
She is a little over one year old now, and she can run, climb, and be very very quiet when she knows she is doing something she shouldn’t. I understand, most parents will say the same about their children, but I’ve sat and witnessed the problem solving capabilities of that child’s mind. She’s clever. More clever than a one year old should be. She already has begun stacking things that she can stand on to be able to reach things she shouldn’t. She fills various bins and bowls with the dogs’ food and carries it to the living room and hand feeds them. She even mimics eating their food in a similar manner that an adult would simulate eating something, to the point that we really thought she was eating dog food.
She is terribly clever, and if there were a pack of her I would consider that I was reliving the scene from Jurassic Park where the raptors set a trap for Robert Muldoon, the game warden. And as awful as that sounds, I really just love it. I don’t go as far to say I love many things, but this child as sneaky and cunning as she is, gives me hope for her having a bright future. I see all of the potential paths and passed opportunities resurfacing in her. I wish above all else that I can connect with her when she is school aged and show her that she doesn’t need to make the choices I made. She can be more than just another dumb grunt (which for those of you who aren’t much into current affairs female infantry is a real thing now). She can grow up and be a successful woman in working-class society. She can grow up to be more. But above all else, I hope she grows up to do something she can say she loves. Not like me.
For now, I keep a stern hand with her to guide her along. With any luck she won’t resent me. I catch hell from the wife and hear about how I shouldn’t yell at her, but I look at it in a different manner. Like lions in the wild, the cubs often play and be mischievous. They climb, they bite, they claw on the adults, but they never really do any harm. Every so often, the adult reminds them with a simple single roar that they are doing something that they should stop. They don’t eat their cubs for the offense. They don’t roar like they would towards an enemy. They simply raise their voice to remind the cub who is the adult. It doesn’t mean they love them any less. The cubs don’t run in fear and hide, but they do stop whatever it is that needed stopping. Like the lion, I roar, and the action tends to stop when I have impressed the idea of stop upon her.
But the part that makes this whole parent thing so awesome, is when I have to do that, and afterwards she comes to me and hugs my leg in a manner symbolic of an apology. Or instead of being frightful of me for raising my voice, she comes running over wanting to play or hop up into my lap. When she wakes up in the middle of the night and I get her back to sleep simply by telling her that everything is ok, its bedtime, and she needs to go back to sleep like a big girl (which baffles and infuriates the wife like you wouldn’t believe). I can tell that despite the manner in which I discipline her, my daughter loves me none-the-less, and that warms my heart like nothing else I have ever experienced.
That being said, I’m going to leave this right here…