Bear-ception

bear-suit

During recent field ops with my current unit, we have found that if there are bears in training area, everything seems to shut down for safety’s sake. Operations resume later on, but typically whatever training is being conducted is usually ended and we return to a consolidated area where we can neither get eaten by said bear, nor fuck with it. To answer that question that just popped into your head, yes, we have to stop people in the military from going and fucking with bears. I consider that natural selection. The military, however, considers it a ridiculous reason to pay out on life insurance.
On the field op I am currently on, our tasking as the recon platoon was to screen enemy movement for a company size defense. No big deal, go set up an observation point and watch a road and report up what we see. Easy, right? Yeah, until you throw in that you are literally sitting stationary for around 8 hours or more in below freezing weather, while getting snowed on. Things quickly go bloody south from there (Last I counted we had 6 cold weather injuries just in our platoon from this op).
Given these conditions and the tedious drawn out nature of our task, naturally, we take rotations on who gets to sleep for a period of time and the rest of us, when enemies aren’t present to observe, start bullshitting to pass the time. No one wants to be sitting there freezing their ass of and all anyone can think of are ways that we could possibly get out of doing the current operation and go somewhere else to warm up. Now with this picture painted, this is how the idea of “bear-ception” came about.
]]]]]]] was down on his turn to sleep, meanwhile I’m laying right next to him bored out of my mind with no enemy to observe. Chit-chat naturally strikes up between \\\\\\ and myself and soon ]]]]]]] has started singing a lumberjack’s song in his sleep. He had started snoring so loud that he sounded like a bear growling. \\\\\\ and I laughed about it, and with my fuzzy backed arctic mittens I began making bear noises and making fun of him. After a bit of thinking about bears, I started talking about how our platoon had gotten out of doing land nav recently because they found a bear.  A bear which was no where near us. Then suddenly it hit me that we should radio up that we had seen a bear and then we could get out of being freezing-ass cold and stop staring at an empty road.
We laughed and carried on and then we came up with the idea that we could make it even more realistic by getting a bear suit and bringing it out with us to all the field ops and getting them all cancelled. \\\\\\ is still determined to find one to have for emergencies. Regardless, we laughed miserably and hysterically about the idea of walking around in a bear suit to the different companies and giving them the idea there’s a bear in the area and getting all the training cancelled so we can go home, also giving us the cover that it wasn’t the same people calling it up each time. It sounded like a brilliant plan as we shivered in a small hide in the woods.
We continued to giggle like children over the idea for a while, up until the point that ]]]]]]] woke up. Sitting up rather sleepily, he looked over at us, and since we had lost track of whether he was still breathing or not, we looked at him. “Were you guys talking about bears or something? I had a dream that I was getting chased by a bear…”. \\\\\\ and myself just lost our bearing and laughed while ]]]]]]] looked on with a confused expression. We had successfully conducted “bear-ception” (a combination of bears and inception [watch the movie “Inception”]) on ]]]]]]] and have now figure out how we can get out of field ops without having to risk getting shot in a bear suit in the woods. We simply sneak into the commanders tent at night and sit and talk about bears being on the training grounds until he wakes up and believes that there really are bears on the training grounds. The perfect plan.

Inception Leonardo DiCapro Go Deeper

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