We Don’t Have A Clu!

Let me paint the scenario for you first off. A bunch of us were standing around the arms room figuring out what is going on for the day. Two guys are supposed to be heading to a javelin class and are trying to draw out a clu to take with them (for those of you that don’t know, a clu is the targeting and guidance system for the javelin missile). So the following conversation went something like Abbot and Costelo’s “Who’s on First”.

Guy 1:”We need a clu.”
Armorer:”I don’t have a clu.”
Guy 2:”What do you mean you don’t have a clu?”
Armorer:”I don’t have a clu.”
Guy 2:”How do you not have a clu?”
Armorer:”I don’t have a clue, but I know I’ve never signed for one.”
Guy 3 walks up:”SGT, what’s going on today?” (In regards to what else is happening today other than the clu class)
Me:”No one has a fucking clue!”
Guy 1:”I still don’t get why we don’t have a clu.”
Armorer:”I don’t know, but we don’t have a clu.”
Me:”Great, so no one has a clue today.”
Right then the PL walks up.
PL:”Why aren’t you two at your class yet?”
Guy 1:”We don’t have a clu, sir.”
(Confused look from the lieutenant)
PL:”What do you mean you don’t have a clue? Go to the damn class already.”
Guy 2:”So we just go to the class without a clu?”
PL:”Wait, what?”
Guy 4:”SGT what are we doing?”
(I’m just laughing at this point.)
Guy 3 to Guy 4:”No one has a clue.”
PL to Armorer:”How do we not have a clu?”
Armorer:”Like I told your guys, sir, I don’t have a clu in my cage. I’ve never had a clu in here.”
Guy 1:”I guess we’ll go to class without a clu then.”
Me:”Don’t worry, maybe someone will have a clue there.”
(Everyone just stops and looks at me as I’m laughing at the whole ridiculous scene.)

Needless to say, in the hour since then I’ve heard “I don’t have a clue” about eight times. I’m sure like most days, soldiers will continue to go through their day, not having a clu.


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